Program Stuff

I was thinking about a thing I sent out to some friends about an old eagle who in the process of renewal, tears out his talons, knocks off his beak, and pulls out most of his feathers. After doing so, he is fit for many more years of living. 

I alluded that it was kind of like working the steps. One has to remove all the damaged stuff, and replace it with new stuff.... Like thoughts, ideas, ways of conducting ones self in public etc.

I am going to tell you the truth. Working the steps is painful. Especially the Fourth Step, the first time through.  You will dredge up forgotten things that will bring you to tears. You will bring up happy times. A searching and thorough moral inventory must be just that; searching and thorough.  We often hear it said after the prayer at the end of meetings , “It works if you work it.” Friends, I doesn’t work if you don’t work it. 

There are many things that work. None of them are easy. Like, not being able to speak other than saying “My name is ___, and I’m and Addict.” for the first thirty days. There is a reason. It may seriously urinate you off, but there is a reason. My first sponsor, Bud D., told me “Your best thinking got you here, and you don’t have any good ideas. Shut up and listen!”

Bud, in the early days of my recovery, forbad me using the personal pronoun “I”. He said “You have been so enamored with yourself for so long, that you think the world revolves around you. It doesn’t.”

That REALLY urinated me off.  But in the end, was incredibly good for me, because indeed, I had been enamored with myself for so long, that I did think the world revolved around me. It doesn’t.

Life is not easy for the addict. Not while we are using, nor after we clean up.  W are different, but we have to learn how to live in society. Otherwise, it’s jails and institutions. We only hope for death.

I thought about death, but Bud told me “Not with out permission from your sponsor, and I ain’t givin’ it until after you’ve worked the steps.”

Bud and I had a falling out, and I changed sponsors. I DO NOT recommend that!  Work your problems out before you make any major changes. Remember - You don’t have any good ideas. Shut up and listen. Especially during the first two or three years. Sometimes, after many, many years... And ain’t I living proof.

My next sponsor, Bob C. told me basically the same thing. So there you go. I’m stuck here. I continue to work the steps, and have not found it necessary to put any harmful substance into any natural or man-made bodily orifice for over 26 years. (Including small lead pellets.)

Remember what they told you at your first meeting?  “Come to meetings, get a sponsor, read the literature, and work the steps.”  That’s so simple that even a Caveman can do it.  (Sorry Cavemen.)  Maybe they didn’t do it. You don’t see any cavemen around anymore.
Here is something from a sponsor. -Me.- When you come to a meeting, it’s about recovery, not about your miserable life. If you talk about your miserable life, it should be how you are using the program to overcome it.  And when you overcome it, your life will no longer be miserable.

We were all pretty good actors. We had to be. Our whole life was an act. A good actor learns that one of the most important things is; to listen.  Listen to the newcomers. Listen to the old timers. Listen to yourself. Pretty soon, after working the steps, you are able to discern between the bulls–t, and the real.

There are so many other things that I would like to share, but I carry on too long anyway.  Why? Because I love you, and care about your recovery.  Why? Because at the root of things, we are really just alike. And these days, I like myself, and have more or less learned to live in society, and I wish the same for you.