Losing a Friend

I got a phone call last night telling me that my friend Mary Stabler had died..I knew it was going to happen. She was in her 80's and had been suffering heart trouble for some time. I know she was a woman of deep faith in God through Jesus Christ, and in the spirit realm, she's doing well.

But I will miss her.  Mary had 42 years sobriety on the AA program, and died sober. She was extremely proud of that...  Before anybody gets all upset about my breaking traditions, (Read the book "Alcoholics Anonymous") She asked me to talk about it, and because I have her permission, and direction to do so, am not breaking her anonymity...  She was a lot of help to me, and hundreds of others in our recovery from active addiction.  'Course I had been clean for many years when I met her, but it is a lifelong process, this staying clean business.  She was a willing ear when I had some problems with life, and mine was a willing ear when she had problems with hers. That's how it works.  That's the fellowship.   Mary was not my "sponsor", just a dear trusted friend..

We used to sit visiting for hours. Sharing war stories, talking about children and grandchildren, dogs, cats, and horses.  She was related, either directly, or indirectly to about half the people in the county. I learned a lot about the history lore, and people of Miles City and Custer County.

She was feisty, fiery, and sweet, all wrapped up in one somewhat overweight package.  Mary was a looker in her day.  She had a bunch of pictures of her in the bad-old-days.  Tuweet, tuweeoo!  But then, weren't we all?

Mary had a daughter that she loved so dearly. They were at odds for most of the daughter's adult life. I had occasion to visit with them both to try to mend relations, but whatever wounds there were just wouldn't heal without a genuine attempt to address the root of the problem.  It's nothing salacious, just human stuff.  I suppose that they are as alike as two peas in a pod in their hard headedness.  It tore and embittered their relationship. Now it's too late.

If you have a loved one, a family member at whom you are at odds, stop reading this, get on the telephone, and start making those amends.  Start by saying something like, "I love you. I'm sorry we have this wall between us. Let's see how we can tear it down so that we can enjoy our loving relationship. Where did we go wrong?"  Then, brick by stubbornly cemented-in brick, tear down that wall of pride, hurt, and hate.  Because once someone stops breathing in, it's too late, and you will suffer the remorse until you stop breathing in.

The last time I saw Mary, I took her to the funeral of another old friend, Don McDowell.  Her eyesight was not good, and she didn't drive at night.  So she asked, and I took her. That's what friends are for. Afterwards, we got back to her place, and visited for a while.  She spoke sorrowfully about her daughter, and we laughed and reminisced about some of the antics of the late Don McDowell.  They had been friends and drinking buddies for years until she sobered up.  After that, just friends.When we parted, we hugged, and told each other "I love you."  What better way to part? I can't think of one. 

So long Mary. See you when I get there.