I Think My Sponsor Approves

This is something that I wrote for The NA Way Magazine some time back. If you have problems with drugs, contact Narcotics Anonymous. They can help.

Agape
Lee
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THE NA WAY MAGAZINE

JANUARY 2004
VOLUME TWENTY-ONE
NUMBER ONE


I think my sponsor approves

My sponsor died.
Bob C and I were closer than I ever thought two people could be. We shared our joys, sorrows, problems, and solutions. I had known him for about a year and a half when I asked him to be my sponsor. He told me, “I will be your sponsor on two conditions: One, that you are willing to work the steps. Two, that you call me every day.” I held to half of the commitment. I called him every day. I did not work the steps. I made a couple of half-hearted attempts but just could not get serious about it. I had survived more than forty years, thirty of them suffering from active addiction. I knew how to live life on life’s terms. Only one problem: The terms of a junkie’s life address nothing but the life of a junkie.

I stopped going to meetings, stopped calling my sponsor every day, and started hanging around with my old “friends.” Needless to say, in a very short time I went out. When I came to my senses, I gave Bob a call and asked if I could come down to see him.

At the time we were living in a beach city in California (USA). I had an apartment downtown, and Bob lived aboard his sailboat in the harbor. When I came aboard, he made a pot of coffee. I did not say much until the mugs were warming our hands. The conversation went like this:

“Bob, I guess you heard that I went out.”

“Yeah, I heard you’d been trying to kill yourself again. Are you ready to start working the steps now?”

“Yes, I am.”

We started. We worked all twelve steps, thoroughly and in order. I say “we” because, while I did the work, Bob was right there beside me all the way, guiding, encouraging, prodding (a lot of prodding), and providing me with his experience, strength, and hope.

When we were through, I said something like “Whew, I’m glad that’s over.” Bob told me, “It’s just begun. It’s never over.” Bob ran it all down to me like this: “See, the Twelfth Step says, ‘Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to addicts, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.’

“What’s the message?

“One, that I was powerless over my addiction. Two, that there is a power greater than myself that can relieve me of the insanity that leads me to take that first drug. Three, that I can abandon my life to the care and keeping of God, and that this loving, caring God gives me the power to stay clean.

“In a nutshell, that’s the answer to the question of how to stay clean. “Now, having acknowledged these three basic principles, you are at Step Four, and you just keep going on from there.”

I kept on doing the steps over and over. Doing that has led me to believe today that the program of Narcotics Anonymous is the steps.

In my twelfth year of recovery, Bob contracted cancer. When it became clear to both of us that it was terminal, we talked about it: death, the afterlife, and the present life. We came to the conclusion that life is worth living clean—even with cancer.

During Bob’s last year, I moved to Montana to pursue my career. Because of the long-distance telephone bill, I was unable to call him every day, but once a week we were on the phone with each other.

Then one night in my thirteenth year, I got the phone call from Bob’s daughter: “He’s gone.”

We wept and consoled each other as best we could.

They scattered Bob’s ashes in the sea he loved so well, and our lives went on. About a month later, at our regular phone time, I was feeling particularly blue and called out, “Oh, Bob, what am I ever going to do without my sponsor?” The answer came in my ear, as plain as day, in Bob’s voice:

“Lee, I have given you all that I can. I showed you the steps and taught you how to live by the traditions. I can’t give you any more. Now it’s your turn. Carry  the message. See you when you get here.”

I never heard from Bob again. I think about him from time to time and always have a warm feeling.

I have been clean now for more than twenty years, and I sponsor a number of addicts. Those who work the steps recover. Those who don’t, don’t. All I can do is share my experience, strength, and hope.

When I need someone to share some of life’s burdens with, I have the guys I sponsor. One of the tenets of NA is “one addict helping another.” Even though I may be an oldtimer, my length of recovery is the same as everyone else’s: twenty-four hours.

More importantly, I have the gifts Narcotics Anonymous has given me: God, the steps, and the fellowship. I think my sponsor approves.

Lee A, Montana, USA

Losing a Friend

I got a phone call last night telling me that my friend Mary Stabler had died..I knew it was going to happen. She was in her 80's and had been suffering heart trouble for some time. I know she was a woman of deep faith in God through Jesus Christ, and in the spirit realm, she's doing well.

But I will miss her.  Mary had 42 years sobriety on the AA program, and died sober. She was extremely proud of that...  Before anybody gets all upset about my breaking traditions, (Read the book "Alcoholics Anonymous") She asked me to talk about it, and because I have her permission, and direction to do so, am not breaking her anonymity...  She was a lot of help to me, and hundreds of others in our recovery from active addiction.  'Course I had been clean for many years when I met her, but it is a lifelong process, this staying clean business.  She was a willing ear when I had some problems with life, and mine was a willing ear when she had problems with hers. That's how it works.  That's the fellowship.   Mary was not my "sponsor", just a dear trusted friend..

We used to sit visiting for hours. Sharing war stories, talking about children and grandchildren, dogs, cats, and horses.  She was related, either directly, or indirectly to about half the people in the county. I learned a lot about the history lore, and people of Miles City and Custer County.

She was feisty, fiery, and sweet, all wrapped up in one somewhat overweight package.  Mary was a looker in her day.  She had a bunch of pictures of her in the bad-old-days.  Tuweet, tuweeoo!  But then, weren't we all?

Mary had a daughter that she loved so dearly. They were at odds for most of the daughter's adult life. I had occasion to visit with them both to try to mend relations, but whatever wounds there were just wouldn't heal without a genuine attempt to address the root of the problem.  It's nothing salacious, just human stuff.  I suppose that they are as alike as two peas in a pod in their hard headedness.  It tore and embittered their relationship. Now it's too late.

If you have a loved one, a family member at whom you are at odds, stop reading this, get on the telephone, and start making those amends.  Start by saying something like, "I love you. I'm sorry we have this wall between us. Let's see how we can tear it down so that we can enjoy our loving relationship. Where did we go wrong?"  Then, brick by stubbornly cemented-in brick, tear down that wall of pride, hurt, and hate.  Because once someone stops breathing in, it's too late, and you will suffer the remorse until you stop breathing in.

The last time I saw Mary, I took her to the funeral of another old friend, Don McDowell.  Her eyesight was not good, and she didn't drive at night.  So she asked, and I took her. That's what friends are for. Afterwards, we got back to her place, and visited for a while.  She spoke sorrowfully about her daughter, and we laughed and reminisced about some of the antics of the late Don McDowell.  They had been friends and drinking buddies for years until she sobered up.  After that, just friends.When we parted, we hugged, and told each other "I love you."  What better way to part? I can't think of one. 

So long Mary. See you when I get there.

Happy New Year

It's partly cloudy at Fringe Benefit Farm this morning. there are patches of sky showing through the clouds, which is hopeful, but the weather forecaster says it's supposed to snow again. four to six inches over the next 24 hours. Problem is, the snow is accompanied by wind. (Can you say blizzard boys and girls?)  So the snow will blow over to North Dakota.  Arrgh! Oh, well, 'cest la vie in the north country. I will be thankful in the spring when the grass starts to grow and the flowers bloom.

Kathryn is looking forward to getting down to the house in town and transplanting her flowers up here. She has the most beautiful flower garden there. All laid out in the classic English style. I hope she will be able to get things growing to her satisfaction.  Problem may be the water. The well water is so alkaline that it kills fish, and causes severe damage to a lot of plants.  We have access to ditch water during the season, but it's hard to deliver to the garden.  I have a big pump, but there is no tank, (yet, $$$) to hold it. I'll have to look around and see if I can find a used one. Sometimes they are available, but not easy to get. There is a basement from the house that burned down on the property some years ago. Maybe I can get it cleaned out and use it as a storage tank. Depends on how sound the concrete is. Also, it is FULL of junk, so I don't know if the concrete even extends over the full basement.  As Bill Wilson once said. "More will be revealed." 

The sunrise was spectacular this morning. A golden rosy glow, with a shaft of light going straight up out of the middle of it.  Reminded me of the Pillar of Fire that led the Hebrews out of Egypt.  Or, for you no as religiously inclined as I, the shaft of light descending from the Romulan starship in the new Star Trek movie. In either case, it was wondrous.

Our friend William gave me the new Star Trek movie as a Christmas gift. Being the old trekker that I am, I was overjoyed.  There are some things that may or may not line up with Gene Roddenberry's original stories, but, all in all it was a pretty good show.  I won't give any more of it away. Ya gotta see it for yourself. Buy the DVD.

I was watching a clip from Stanly Kubrick's "2010" on the web yesterday. One of the comments was something like "I thought this was all supposed to have happened by now. What happened?"  I just had to answer. "We spent all of our space exploration money on killing people."  Makes you kinda wonder what would have happened if we had not gotten involved in Viet Nam.  We were supposedly trying to stop the reunification of the country by the Communist north. In the end, 55 thousand of our boys, and hundreds of thousands of their people died, and the country was reunified by the Communist north.  So instead of shooting rockets into space, and bringing Buck Rogers into fruition, we shot brave young men , and they shot our brave young men, and we are still on the ground, and not on Mars. 
      "Take Care, Beware Of Greedy Leaders."  -G. Harrison-

Whooyah! I kinda got off on a rant. Well, that's the way I feel.  Don't get me wrong. I support our troops over there fighting for stuff. I just think that those who start wars should read the Ten Commandments, and follow them.

Meanwhile, Kathryn just left for work. I don't have to go in for about 2-1/2 hours. The roads are icy, so I am going to close for now, and spend some time in prayer for her safety.

Agape
Lee